Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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