I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
