i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
