My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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