he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
