It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
