watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
