There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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