First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
