I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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