I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
