3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
