OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
