i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mom said you looked used
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
