Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
