He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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