the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they're like a gay fantastic four
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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