Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
