You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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