Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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