After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
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girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize