living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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