omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
