i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
