I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
