I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
