were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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