It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
