Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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