His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
