Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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