Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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