just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
