FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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