She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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