But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
