Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
