I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
