this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
