I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
