Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you win again, gameday.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
