Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
