Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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