My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
