I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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