Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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