now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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