Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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