i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
