I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
