I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
