Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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