I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My life is pants optional.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize