Need sex. Gaining weight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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