He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Boobs speak an international language.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
