I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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