Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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