Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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