she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Vodka?
Forever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
