i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
3 2 1 whiskey
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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