my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
