Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
