He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
