I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
