I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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