ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
