and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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