Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
