apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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