OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
