Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
