Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
