90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
