She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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